How I went from insecure and camera shy to being confident on video
→ VIDEO TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 — From camera shy to confident on video
04:49 — How shyness and insecurity impacted my business
08:08 — Hiding my personality to look more "professional"
09:40 — Feeling not good enough / too ugly to be on camera
11:18 — What changed? How I shifted my mindset
11:54 — Getting to the root cause of my insecurity
12:37 — Fear of being judged / disliked
14:15 — Prioritizing what actually matters
15:50 — My confidence increased AFTER I started, not before.
Note: This was written casually as a script outline for the video. Please excuse any grammatical errors.
Hi imaginary friend, it’s me, Leigh and today I’m thinking about…
The silly little ways we let our insecurities hold us back. Specifically, today I’m thinking about how not too long ago, like literally a month ago, I was way too scared to show up on camera and create videos. Like exactly the thing I’m doing now, I was so anxious about it. I couldn’t even share pictures of myself online without feeling this overwhelming wave of anxiety.
But I’m a creative entrepreneur running an online business, and it’s important for me to build a personal brand. I know that showing my face and my personality is part of what will set my brand apart.
So at first I tried to force it.
I would post pictures of myself for my brand — and then I’d archive them like a week later because I hated the way I looked.
But recently I’ve overcome that. I made a mental shift that finally allowed me to get over my fear of showing up online. And that’s how I’m able to confidently talk to you on camera right now. And I’m actually excited about showing my face on camera.
And so that’s what I want to share with you, if you’re someone who wants to start a Youtube channel or do livestreams, or just show your face more online. I want to help you figure out what’s holding you back.
So ok, let me provide you some context, first. I wanna explain how I even got here, because at first I didn’t even fully realize how my fear of being on camera was actually holding me back. I didn’t fully realize that my insecurity was actually impacting my business.
So for a really long time, I have been thinking about ways to share my experience and ideas about running an online business and building a brand as a creative person. I have this gigantic list in Notion of just all these random content ideas that I want to talk about. It’s a really massive list, like it’s easily a year’s worth of content. And up until very recently, when I committed to making videos, all of those ideas weren’t helping anyone, because they were just sitting in a private list on my laptop.
I had been thinking about creating video content for at least a year. Thinking about it, planning it, and researching literally everything. But, until very recently, I wasn’t actually producing or sharing any of those deep ideas.
What I was creating and sharing for my design business, was honestly, not that compelling. It was just very pretty, and surface-level. Short little mindfulness quotes, and very ‘safe’ aesthetic designs. It was good work, but it wasn’t really personal or insightful at all. It wasn’t the type of content that I really wanted to share. It was so removed from who I am as a person, that it could’ve been associated with any other brand in my industry.
I knew that I wanted to do more personal content, but I kept telling myself I just had to have it all planned out perfectly first.
I wanted to clear up my acne first. I wanted to research everything about video production first. But in reality, I was just procrastinating. The truth is — I was scared.
And I think this is actually quite common. Or at least I hope it’s common, because it’s something that I personally struggled with for a very long time.
My insecurity was holding me back from my big picture goals. I wasn’t actually putting any of my personal ideas out there at all.
And It was just coming from a place of perfectionism. I had this desire to feel 100% confident before I really put myself out there. I wanted to feel “ready” first.
And the thing that’s so tricky about this type of perfectionism, at least for me, and other creative business owners I know — what’s tricky is that it actually feels like we’re doing a lot of work. It feels like we’re being super productive. We’re planning things out, we’re setting the foundation, we’re learning the things we need to know, we’re doing market research. And don’t get me wrong, all of those things are important to do, for sure. But at a certain point, it just becomes procrastination. I was basically procrastinating by trying to learn everything and plan everything perfectly first.
I was procrastinating doing the things I knew would make a bigger impact because I had this belief that I wasn’t “good enough” yet.
I wasn’t experienced enough. I wasn’t smart enough. I don’t have the right “look” ( I’m not a pretty white woman, I’m a black person with huge nerdy glasses and naturally kinky hair.)
I thought I wasn’t pretty enough to be on camera. I thought my hair wasn’t long enough. I thought I couldn’t wear my glasses. I thought I was too fat. I thought my skin wasn’t clear enough. I basically told myself I was too ugly to show up online.
It feels a bit silly to lay it all out like that now because it sounds so superficial, but it’s something that held me back for a very long time. And it’s something I’m still working on. If you can relate to this, please let me know in the Youtube comments. Because I really hope I’m not the only person who has these issues.
So what actually changed? How was I able to shift my mindset?
I basically had to address the root of the issue, that perfectionism, that insecurity. And here’s where it gets a bit more personal, but I’m hoping that if you’re still watching this, then this is something that you’ve struggled with too, and I hope my experience can help you as well.
I had to acknowledge why I was so afraid of being seen.
For me, the root of my perfectionism comes from a desire to control how people perceive me. I’m so afraid of being judged or misunderstood. And it’s like I believe that if I do everything perfectly, then people will like me.
And I won’t get into my personal history and where this fear comes from, but the reason I think it’s important to share this is because I feel like it’s probably quite common. I think a lot of people hold themselves back because of what people might think about them.
I feel like it comes from this, like, basic, primal human need to be accepted as part of the tribe. It’s from the most unevolved part of our brain that developed in a time when being “different” or “weird” or “ugly” could literally mean death for us.
But that’s not really the world we live in anymore. For the vast majority of people, putting yourself out there online, creating videos, sharing pictures of yourself, sharing your thoughts — it’s not a life or death situation. But our brains still treat it like it is.
So once I really addressed that, I was able to make the mindset shifts that helped me get to a point where I can honestly say I feel confident creating this video.
First, I had to really accept that I can’t control how others perceive me.
This is a really tough one for me personally. It’s something I’ve struggled with for so long. It still drives me crazy that people can just think whatever they want about me, and say whatever they want about me, and there’s nothing I can do about it. But I just have to remind myself — it’s ok for some people to not like me. It’s ok if they think I’m ugly or weird. It’s ok for some people to be wrong about me. In fact it’s probably inevitable. But those just aren’t the people that I’m here for.
And the other shift I made was I had to start prioritizing the bigger purpose — more than my insecurities about my face or my body. This might not be relatable for everyone, but for me, the type of work that I really want to share is stuff that I think is really important. I want to help people believe in themselves, follow their dreams, start a business, make money doing what they love!
AND I want to show my face because I also want to be an example, because there is NO ONE that looks like me that is doing the things I want to do. And representation is so important because it literally informs how our brains conceptualize what’s possible. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought that there’s no place for me in the online business world. But I want nerdy, non-binary black folks to know that they can be the face of their brand too. And that is way more important than if I look pretty on camera. And I think that’s really important to remember. If you’re avoiding the camera because you think you don’t have the “right look”, you’re honestly contributing to the lack of representation. I know that sounds harsh, and it’s obviously not all your fault. But if all of us hide our faces because we feel too “ugly”, then we reinforce the story that only conventionally attractive people, people with a certain look — can be successful. And that’s just not true.
And ironically enough, once I actually started creating videos, my insecurity vanished. I suddenly had way more confidence out of seemingly nowhere. And as a bonus I realized that I’m kinda cute! Definitely not too ugly to represent my brand like my brain tried to convince me.
So the last piece of advice I want to leave you with is just do it. Stop waiting until you lose enough weight, or clear up your acne, or get a better camera, or whatever that thing is you’re putting before your vision. Stop trying to make everything “perfect” before you share it.
The best way to build your confidence is to just show up.
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